“Mom doesn’t understand me!” “The old people constantly criticize us, the youth!” How to find a common language with relatives? Advises Elena Tararina – psychologist, teaching art therapist, candidate of pedagogical sciences.
When I feel the huge support of my big family, I create amazing books, I remember that it is important to give love, but it is equally important to receive it. Unfortunately, sometimes it happens that our relatives have such opposite points of view that it is almost impossible to understand them. How to smooth out conflicts, how to make your family happy? Here are the most popular questions that I hear every day from trainees and clients during consultations.
Question: “When you live together with your mother when you already have your own family, who is the hostess?”
Answer: The hostess is the one who makes decisions, sets the rules, and is responsible. We are guests in the families of our parents, no matter how old we are. Usually, guests adjust to the charter of the hosts.
The need to live according to someone else’s charter is one of the most powerful motivators for many grown-up children to finally separate (including the issue of living) and become independent. If you still live with your parents, then this problem does not bother you enough.
Question: “Mom reproaches that she put her whole life on me, and demands that I listen to her and be attached to her.”
Answer: Loving and caring in order to raise a servant for old age is an erroneous parental policy. We cannot love our children so that one day they will return this love to us. And reproaches always cause resistance and a desire to move away. A parent teaches by example. If you, as a parent, can give love to your child and be happy at the same time, you will raise a happy person. If the meaning of life for you is love for a child, you will doom yourself and him to sacrifice, resentment, pretense, and disappointment. The best way for parents to teach their child to care is to teach him from childhood to love animals, children, adults, to take care of grandparents themselves.
Question: “What to do when you start changing places with your parents: they require care and attention and behave like children, although they feel good?”
Answer: Parents grow old, lose strength. They do not know what will come into their lives tomorrow, whether they will be able to adapt. Aging exacerbates the feeling of being unclaimed. And to be needed and useful is so important for everyone. Don’t get irritated with your parents: they give you an opportunity to show love. It is very important to give your loved one love in those very moments when he deserves it least of all.
Do you want to dive deeper into the topic of psychology and learn more not only about yourself but also about your relationships? Don’t miss the chance to chat with Elena Tararina live!
Lisa’s magazine presents: On April 7 at 11:00 am, Pochayna Event Hal will host a master class “Family 360° or Everything about a happy family in 360 minutes” by Elena Tararina!
How to build a happy family? How to forget the bitter past experience of relationships, get rid of fears, and attract prosperity to the family? You can find out about this and more at the training!
Editorial Team
